Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
