all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
