So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
