Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
