I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
