had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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