you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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