you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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