Plan B is the new Plan A
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
