Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
