How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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