I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize