Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize