I hate your face
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
