I'm pants shitting drunk right now
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
