Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
