She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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