Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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