the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
