I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
