Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
