How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize