I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
