So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize