I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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