Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
