I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
