why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
