This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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