the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
