Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
