The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
