if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
did you just send me my own nude
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
