the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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