Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
