I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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