I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
