Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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