Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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