Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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