Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize