i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize