Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
