I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize