Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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