Don't make out with my wife yet
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
