When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
