the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
