I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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