I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize