our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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