I only kidnapped one of them. chill
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
