She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You took a bar mat shot.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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