I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
