I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
