a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
