I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
