If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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