then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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