Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
