1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
