Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
