they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
