did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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