I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize