i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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