you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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