oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
