Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
