47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
