he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
